| things fall apart |
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| 02:24pm 01/04/2003 |
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sometimes, things are hard. i realize with me this is an understatement, because it seems like everything is hard all the time. today i got some news that makes my life more difficult, and more scarey. though people have told me it happens to everyone, and that it won't end up happening to me, i'm scared. since this is a public forum, i won't go into specifics, but lets just say i'm frightened.
i have a wonderful new apartment that's letting me take my cat. a job i love doing. wonderful friends and coworkers who make me so so happy and a new boyfriend who makes me smile. my parents are great.
but underneath it all, the big thing i have happening in my life makes me so scared, and so worried that its all going to be lost and taken out from under me. what gives?
i don't want to fall and give in to the scared part, but i'm ultimatly scared i will. failure has always been soemthing that i walk a close edge with, and i can feel myself slipping under it now. tell me things will get better. tell me that i can get through this. let me hear a voice, a song, a word that will make it all seem, for the duration, that i'm not going to fall like i have before. |
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| why things bite back |
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| 09:02am 26/03/2003 |
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today its like spring is springing! its totally amazing and lovely. driving down the road, it smelled, sounded (thanks to velocity girl in the cd player) like spring, 1994. its a beautiful thing. minus the part where i was 17 and living at home...instead i'm 26 and living at home. but then, not for long.
everything is blooming. its so totally great. i want to take my shoes off and go walking in the grass, were the grass not cold, wet and possibly full of dog poo.
missed my doctors appointment, thus am stuck in growing fears that I'm going to get sick, like, tommorrow. feh.
can drink coffee for the first time in days. i feel like myself again.
also i've decided once all the shit i have to deal with (court, moving, shit.) is out of the way (and i can figure out where to stay) i'm coming to new york. i want to cause trouble and have fun. |
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| the weekend of rest |
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| 12:15pm 24/03/2003 |
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all i did. lay around, watch movies. did some collages. made a mix cd for someone. took my mom out to tea. not so much fun stuff, but lots of important stuff. good discussions with my parents about what i need to do--and the highlight is they're going to help me move out. thank. god.
did my taxes. taxes online are easy, says she of everything via the net but the taxes. so, yeah. hrblock.com has my vote of positivity. it was also very simple. :)
devincf.com makes me giggle a lot. <3
my week is busy but i'm taking off friday to stand in line at the DMV. whee! |
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| the long distance relationship questionaire |
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| 04:41pm 18/03/2003 |
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Ok, so I've decided that one of the things I'd like to do in the near-and-not-so-distant-meaning-maybe-May future is write an article for my new zine about Long Distance Relationships.
I know from experience that many of us have been or are in relationships that are or started out as Long Distance Relationships. If you are willing to have your information used in my "not very scientific but highly interview based article, without any namey names" article, or are just really bored, feel free to answer me this:
1-Are you now or have you ever been in a long distance relationship? How old were you?
2-What was the distance?
3-How long did it last?
4-How did you meet (friends, school, internet, other?)
5-What was your primary means of communication?
6-How did you determine your primary means of communication? Did you work out a schedule?
7-How often did you see each other?
8-Why did you break up? (If you broke up)
9-Are you still together? If so, have you moved to be with that person?
10-What would your advice be to other long-distance relationship people?
11-What were/are the biggest problems you encountered in your long distance relationship?
12-What were the best parts?
13-Anything else I need to know? |
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Read 4 - Post |
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| ::I could use a mint:: |
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| 11:03am 18/03/2003 |
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...and then i remembered i had toothpaste in my cabinet at work. YAY!
first iced coffee of the year. i went for number 2, but since i made it at work with ice left over from #1, it wasn't as satisfying, so i'm losing that great "i had iced coffee" vibe i had earlier. oh well. spring is definatly sprunging all around. it even SMELLS springlike.
bring on the spring! |
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| Look, you asshats. I'm still doing this. :( |
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| 03:01pm 17/03/2003 |
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thesurburbandproject is collecting stories of life in suburbia. Did you grow up in the suburbs? Was your childhood about following the creek that was really just a storm drain until the very end and picking up the little bits of trash that looked like gold? Did you move there when you were a teenager and hated how you had to take a car everywhere? Did your mom dress you in a stupid uniform and make you go to Girl Scouts or take ballet? Or did you really want to go? Were you a misanthrope, a cheerleader, a geek, leader of the math team, on student council or wish that you were? Were you a mall rat? Did you learn to drive in a school parking lot? Was the best thing you ever saw your development in the rear view mirror, or do you still see it in front of you when you get off work each day? If you related to any of these things, or if you think we’re nuts and want to tell us it wasn’t like that, at all, then we want to hear from you. Email kittysurprise@msn.com for more information or to submit your story or story idea.
thesurburbandproject is a zine. We do not publish on the web (that we know of, but we’ve done some pretty wack things in our lives that we don’t remember, so we could be wrong on that one) and we attempt to put out an issue every 3-4 months, however if real life pops up on one of us, don’t shoot us if its not four whole times a year. We accept all forms of media - words, comics, drawings, and occasional puppet shows, however the final content is up to us. Thanks. |
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| ::lost in the supermarket:: |
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| 09:07am 17/03/2003 |
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on an up note: my coworker made st. patricks day cupcakes with CREAM CHEESE ICING. that they sell this is not only a minor revalation, but will also lead to me getting larger than life.
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sundays are the worst. yesterday we attempted to take my mom to a posh greek restaurant for brunch only to find out that they ONLY offered a buffet. we walked around alexandria instead, and went to a lovely italian place. stupid buffets. i *really* wanted spanketopia. or however you spell it.
spent the rest of the day in a funk - the fern (german term for a wierd end-of-winter wind thats warm and gray) evidently got to me. cleaned out the car and did some house crap and eventually went with mia to borders, where i bought some stuff i'd been wanting. talked about stuff....she's the best for common sense advice and she always puts things in perspective for me. tht said, if the sun would come out, i'd be much happier and at ease with my skin for the moment. gray skies give me the willies.
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saturday (can you tell i'm doing my weekend update backwards? i feel like that book from when i was a kid, sideways stories from wayside school.) i spent on a marathon of breakfast (cowboy cafe in arlington--run, don't walk - 1/2 price breakfast drinks before noon), hiking in great falls (gorgeous, but why do people wear shorts in march? it troubles me) and napping. saw about schmidt -- supposed to be a comedy, but i can totally see where the hollywood foreign press mistakenly thought it was a drama -- it kind of depressed me a little.
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| so its like a walk down memory lane, but on a server... |
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| 03:46pm 13/03/2003 |
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going through my old geocities server and deciding what to keep and what to dump, what i like and what was i thinking. i think most people will find these amusing:
Aaron and Redd Foxx....a Match Made in Heaven:
I was once a MOC Girl:
Again, MOC Girly Style, #2:
Me and Stella, in like, the hottest picture ever:
William Gave ME This One:
Every Time You Post this picture...
Look Halloween!
And me an Johnny Rock. I love this picture:
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Read 8 - Post |
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| ::you will be showered with good luck:: |
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| 08:51am 13/03/2003 |
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At least, today, it feels that way, despite my unrelenting need for a night of sleep that is longer than 5 hours. I woke up about 20 minutes before I had to leave this morning, causing me to run around like a chicken with its head cut off. Thanks alarm clock! You and I are going to have a LONG talk later about the proper waking up time.
Today its lovely outside and I took my coat off as I walked up from the metro. It was so wonderful. I love the spring.....last night I sat on a balcony and drank wine and today, I'm eating lunch outside (should I in fact get time to take lunch).
Also, I feel guilty when I leave and I know my coworkers are here late. But. Yeah. |
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| well, my left-brain knows... |
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| 08:49am 12/03/2003 |
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took the subway to work. feel sort of stupid that i still call it the "subway" even though i know very its the "metro." i think its a knee jerk reaction to my latent desire to live in new york, without the whole "leaving dc" part.
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you know that part in something new where there's a point in conversation where the person says something and you realize how little you know about them? i kind of like that part. its exciting and freaky and sort of nice at the same time, especially when you realize you want to learn more. i think the new things i've been most sad about ending are the ones where i still have stuff i want to know.
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random notes: cleaning out the fridge at work isn't conducive to eating. dieters, take note and dredge out the tupperware containers in your office fridge. you will NEVER want to imbibe food that isn't fresh-off-the-tree again. |
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Read 7 - Post |
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| ::stop thinking so much:: |
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| 03:03pm 11/03/2003 |
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Mental note to self:
Stop thinking about things so much.
Have fun.
Save your money.
Love your friends.
And eat 25 dum dums in one day.
Those are the keys to happiness my friends.
(Ok, maybe not the first few, but the dums dums, certainly!) |
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| manic monday... |
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| 12:35pm 10/03/2003 |
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i just realized a lot of my journal titles are song titles. this isn't on purpose, i promise.
wierd wierd weekend. not something i necessarilly want to get into online--the few select people who know about it will get why. however, a good part of it turned from a very bad weekend, to a very good weekend. hung out with someone for a very long period of time who i've been wanting to hang out with for an extended hangout. it made me happy. wierd how that stuff goes.
i'm also very tired. i looked at myself in the mirror in the elevator (when in doubt, look up! and see yourself. i'm always doing it when someone walks in. my office-building mates must think i'm the MOST vain person in the world. which i suppose i am...) |
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| sometimes its funny.... |
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| 11:54am 06/03/2003 |
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i was just talking about this with a friend yesterday, how even when people are gone or you are sad, you can still go on and have fun. i started thinking about how i really haven't thought much about what happened in january, and how i wondered when i would.
today must be the day for thinking about the hurty things though, because i started doing something at work that reminded me of my friend joann. just like that, i miss her lots. stupid death. why do bad things happen? |
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prala's journal